Sleepwaling and other tales of life during wartime Part II

The memorial service we held for SGT Pierre Raymond was a difficult one. SGT Raymond was a replacement soldier from MA who wasn’t even on the ground with us for three days before he was struck by a mortar attack at Ramadi. There was a whole lot of grappling with the randomness of such a loss. We hadn’t even had the chance to get to know him. One of the soldiers I have come to know well SPC Taylor, an irrepressible man from TN who is full of colorful stories and good humor. He has been fighting a weight problem here, but is always laughs back as we try to keep him away from the ice cream freezer. “Taylor, put down the ice cream and step away from the freezer!” Back home he works as a pest exterminator and is highly active in his Baptist church. He describes himself as a “Saved exterminator.” One day the Command Sergeant Major overheard Taylor singing to himself in the chapel. Apparently he was very talented and trained as a singer, but didn’t want anyone to know. I coached him a bit on singing Danny Boy. He did an excellent job and there wasn’t a dry eye in the place. In fact, he received a coin from the BCT XO and his self esteem has gone up a few notches.

Around every corner and every day I learn something more about my fellow comrades. One evening we started a prayer group. Only one other soldier than Hargrave and myself showed up. He was a young LT. He spent the time giving his “testimony” to us. He had grown up in an abusive home in a hard neighborhood. Eventually he was part of the Fresh Air Fund program. The host parents loved him so much that they wanted him back every summer. He has since earned a master’s degree and is a husband and father. He works in a corrections institution and wants to give back in any way he can.

I have had to visit a young female soldier in the middle of the night who was given a Red Cross message that her step brother, with whom she had been very close, was killed in an auto accident back home. She was heartbroken, but also had the jaded attitude of someone who had known a great deal of loss. Her family story was one of several recent losses. When I asked her to whom she felt closest, she mentioned an uncle who was in an infantry unit in a nearby camp. Shortly after she left for home, we received notice that he was killed in a roadside attack. I later learned that he was one of the five flag draped coffins that I prayed over. I think of her often and the difficulty it will be to reinvest her self in others. Why bother to trust anyone when they will likely die on you?

In spite of the negative events here or the ones that we learn about from back home, there is a good spirit about the camp. We try to provide a regular week of events in the chapel. We have a “Band of Brothers” series on Mondays; Tuesdays is bible study; Wednesday is prayer service; Thursday is our book club (Purpose Drive Life); Friday is movie night. The choir usually meets twice a week. We’ve had all sorts of special talent on Sundays including SPC Taylor. This week a classically trained LT will sing The Lord’s Prayer for us. Our bible study is just wrapping up with Job. We’ve had some excellent discussions on suffering and the problem of evil. We’ve even had moments of laughter in reading some of the sarcasm that drips off the pages when Job responds to his “comforters.” In worship I try to be as broad in reaching this diverse group. We sing some old hymns then the gospel choir takes over. Since we are mostly PA types who mostly come from some type of liturgical background (a few evangelical types), I try to be sensitive to our TN contingent and give them opportunities to lead.

I have been receiving many packages. I have not had a chance to thank everyone as of yet. Most of the goods go directly into the chapel or the mess hall to share with the other soldiers. The generosity from back home and the generosity among the soldiers is inspiring. Often I find boxes upon boxes left at the chapel door of many fine survival items and “tons” of candy. Individuals could choose to hoard these for them selves, but they don’t. They have an impulse to share freely.

The counseling load is steady. I have been dealing with everything from soldiers who are experiencing nightmares to simple issues of adjustment. Most of these soldiers are experiencing some degree of anxiety. It is usually very easy to listen and “just be there.” At times I have even had groups of soldiers in my office who want to know how to best handle an issue of “unfair leadership.” Often I feel the satisfaction of having helped. Sometimes I feel the doubt of one who realizes some of these issues are beyond immediate control and it may be a matter for God, time, or being in a new situation.

Below is a reflection for a battalion newsletter contribution:

Embracing Dignity

War has to do with suffering. Not only the suffering inflicted upon us by our enemies, and the suffering we inflict, but also about the suffering that is a product of war that ripples out in all directions affecting the guilty and innocent alike. Additionally, as soldiers, we are still part of a family system that can be in various states of health and well being.

When a Red Cross message comes in the middle of a mission that requires an already large amount of effort, it can come as a huge blow. The news of a parent’s death, a brother’s tragic accident, a wife’s problem in giving birth, a relative entering hospice care are all life altering events that require a great deal of attention and energy. How a soldier and their families navigate through these events can make a real difference.

One thing that is a constant blessing to me as a chaplain is learning about an individual’s ability to find meaning and dignity within circumstances that are less than happy. Someone said, “If life is full of suffering, life is also full of people who rise above it.” Recently, I visited a soldier whose marriage was in jeopardy. The soldier’s section sergeant reported to me that the soldier was “having a tough time” and was seen crying. This otherwise squared away soldier was trying to deal with some of the pieces of his life. I stopped by his hut where he was living with a few other members of his team.

On his wall were pictures of his family including one of his newly reacquainted father. Other pictures included siblings, friends and, of course several of him with his wife. I asked if I could spend a few moments with him. The soldier said, “Of course.” And then I asked the soldier if he wanted to go someplace else where we could speak privately. The soldier said “Chaplain, these other soldiers are like brothers to me…they are family. They know all about this.” I was moved by this soldiers’ trust in his brothers and just as much by the fact that his brothers supported him in his time of need. The feeling in the hut as the other soldiers went about their business and down time was one of familiarity and trust, a place where many would be comfortable in knowing that they belonged.

Heroes wear ribbons, but those who trust in the goodness around them even in times of difficulty wear a robe of dignity.