Holy Week & Easter, Ft. Jackson Style

I have missed recording a few stories, mostly because there is little time and I am often more interested in eating or sleeping. There have been images, words and persons who have made an impression on me, yet sometimes it is difficult to convey what these mean other than being beautiful, comical, irritating, or salvific.

For example, I am up to my eyeballs in substitutionary atonement. Yes, I know Jesus died for my sins, but I'm having a little bit of difficulty understanding the preacher who felt that Jesus died for the guilt of her minor traffic offense--speeding. It seems to me to trivialize the gospel message, but when the background theology is about a personal relationship with Jesus, you have to start looking for more and more evidence on how you've been saved.

During the afternoon on a very long day last week, we were addressed by an Airborne Chaplain who was dropped with his unit into Iraq during the war. It was definitely a story of adventure as he and the rest of the troops were dropped into an oily bog. The purpose of his talk was to help us learn to pack efficiently and with all sorts of safety measures and back-ups. The Army calls tying objects that you don't want to lose to your equipment "dummy chording." Very practical advice. Moments later one of our Small Group Leaders (an instructor from the school house)--a man with a crusty exterior gave us a lightning quick lesson on knot tying as he reflected on one of his many Army experiences. He obviously grew up on a farm and presumed most of us did as well when he told us that the knot we needed to tie was the "type used to secure packs on mules" or something like that. I nodded my head as if I knew what he was talking about. Most of us were comatose at this point and had been standing around a table for what seemed a couple of hours.

More than a handful of my classmates have been on quarters for a bug that's been going around. I can't imagine even missing a day in this program for all that we usually cover. One soldier, a major who has had Special Forces training has been out a week. He showed up for the class photograph and stood near me. I could see that he still had bouts of the chills. Spirits were high while the pictures were being taken with all sorts of silly comments being made by the SGL's while we tried to maintain military bearing.

One of the highlights of the week was the false start of our PT test. Most of us were up before 04:00 for a 04:20 formation in the rain. Initially the rain was light but became heavier with some lightning as we stood while a team of graders prepared the testing area. It took a major to make the call a sergeant could have made for us to leave the field. We were later advised that none of us would have been wrong to object and leave the field for safety issues. We were reminded that even a private has the authority to speak up when safety is at stake. If one does not speak up and is the ranking officer, he is ultimately responsible if there are any violations--safety or otherwise. Sins of omission are just as weighty as sins of commission.

PT test day was on Good Friday at the same time. We were put into squads for push-ups and sit-ups. These graders wanted us to turn our backs on the ones being tested so that we wouldn't cheer them on. This was a first for me. So far on other PT tests we've been allowed to cheer each other on. I did very well for an old man and even beat my best time for the 2 mile run: 14:31. I stayed behind a young man that I knew was about 45 seconds faster than me and that kept me motivated. Also I caught up with a young man who has been a worship leader and then I kept pace with him. At the end I had nothing to give for the sprint, so he took off and came in about 4 seconds faster. I would have done even better had the finish line been clearer. I stopped where the clock was and not at the cones about three feet away. The graders yelled me onward. I collapsed in the grass with lots of pain in my side. An MP yelled at my sergeant to get me off the field. I indignantly looked at the MP and got up. A classmate told me to keep my hands above my head and breathe deeply. It was helpful and I was soon congratulating others as they came in. My final score (on a 300 pt system) was 258. One must score 90 and above in all three events to be awarded a Army Physical Fitness Badge. I might continue working on it provided it doesn't interfere with my wine drinking and desert.

Later that evening, some of us celebrated by going to an Irish pub and drinking beer, eating, smoking cigars, sharing some of our stories, telling bawdy jokes, and enjoying some laughter. All of us at the table were from diverse church backgrounds. Laughter is bonding and humanizing.

I can't remember the sequence of the week too well, but at one point we were visited by an Army surgeon, nurse anesthetist, chaplain, and social worker who recently were treating the injured in Iraq. They presented us with some difficult to view photographs of all sorts of disfigurements. The chaplain stated that it was important to define one's "theology of war" when dealing with so much suffering which often comes suddenly and unexpectedly.

Easter Sunday Sunrise Service was at 0630 in a crowded community center. The soldiers sat on the bleachers and the ranking folks in chairs on the gym floor. There was a platform with about 30 flags standing behind it. A brass band played a few familiar Easter hymns as background music before the program began. It was an extravaganza evangelical style with a gospel choir, a talented soloist, hand clapping and praising (and more substitionary atonement). The LTC's, Colonel, and others in their dress blues clapped hands and rocked back and forth only the way white men can. The preacher was a colonel who spoke of the many tombs in our lives and the victory of the Resurrection. He was one of the few evangelicals that I ever heard preach on Christ's decent into hell. He also spoke about his last Easter in Iraq when he was in a crowded hangar with soldiers who had seen a good amount of action and that "all fell away except the presence of Christ." He mentioned the Christian minority in Iraq and their greeting: Al Meeseeh qam (Christ is Risen). And while the praise music, the hymns, and the religious fervor were foreign to me, he preached a solid message.

I later attended the Episcopal Service. I was the only chaplain present other than the celebrant. All the rest were young soldiers, many of them recent arrivals at basic training. Some of them knew the liturgy very well. At the end of the service, CH Ira Houck, asked any soldiers who were leaving to come forward for a blessing. A young African-American soldier from Baltimore came forward. Fr. Houck laid hands upon his head and prayed for the soldiers safety. It was the most tender moment of the day. Later this soldier approached me and shared with me that he was going home because he was "having visions" and was being discharged for schizophrenia. He was a sweet young man and stuttered a bit when he spoke. I was reminded how back on campus the pressure would bring out any latent psychological illness. My heart went out to him wondering what few possibilities might be open to him. Oddly enough, I sat next to another soldier from Alabama who had been looking forward to basic training his "whole life." He had acne, but still glowed with confidence. In my brief conversation about his background and his future plans I could tell he was thriving here. In an environment where every one is in green, the soul seems to be more of what distinguishes one from another. It has been a blessed day one that I believe has pointed me more deeply into the mystery of this vocation.

Tug of War

Last week the entire class was given a kinda recreation day with games and lunch. We originally planned to have this event outside, but the weather was rainy. Nearly seventy of us hung out in a concrete block recreation hall and played some social games. There were a few rounds of a four way tug-of-war that was definitely a chance for the preachers to show that they have testosterone. Being the enlightened liberal that I am, I checked in with our only female to see how she was doing with all of this. She grew up with several brothers so it wasn't really an issue for her. When I got in the game, I admit that I jumped in a pulled on the rope as hard as I could. We had one round that was the North vs. South. There were nearly twice as many Southerners as there were Northerners. This may give you a clue as to the clearly Evangelical flavor of most of our chapel services. I have never been in a group of people that publically prayed so much. The phrase "object constancy" popped into my head while we kept praying and praying. I wondered if all the praying was to make sure God was still there or whistling in the dark. The day was part youth group activities and revival mixed in with a praise and worship service. There is just so many times that I can sing "Yes, Lord, yes, Lord, yes, Lord, yes." And I think I passed the mark that day.

Our lecturer/homilist chose to give us a study on the greek word, "to submit." The context was that the military is a place where you submit to authority and that within this order there is accountability and service. This is clearly an appropriate talk for a military context.

Later on we broke into small groups for prayer again! Although prayer groups are not typically my speed, I appreciated the need for intimacy that is expressed. I think this is often difficult for men. Chaplains need to show compassion for each other because we tend to take on so much. Plus, knowing how to model how to support each other spiritually makes us more effective with soldiers.

More to come.

The Best Mattress

Without reviewing my notes, I barely remember what all happened last week. Friday is still pretty clear in my mind. We all needed to report by 5 A.M. out in a field with our ruck sacks, Load Bearing Equipment (LBE), and kevlar (helmet) in order to hike three or so miles. Not only were some of us late (not me), but some of us did not pack according to the packing list (nor me). There was a surprise inspection where we had to dump all of the ruck contents out onto the ground and then hold items up as the sergeant called it off of a list. One individual, a fine soldier and chaplain who is going to Air Assault school, decided to weigh down his pack by packing towels and weights instead of what was listed. A lot of what the Army is about is following directions as they are given. I learned this the last time I was down here and have made my peace with the Army Way. When it comes to things like this I don't over think. No need to. There's a strange security that sets in knowing this.

Later in the day, the Chaplain's School held a tribute to the contributions of women in honor of National Women's Month. A young local councilwoman spoke during the program, but the highlight was when three black women sang a piece that rocked the house. It was by far the best singing I have heard here. After the program we were served a buffet style lunch with dessert and all. As I was waiting in line there were some flowers (pens disguised as flowers) that were available for anybody who wanted one. I took one and put it in the pocket of my uniform. That was a mistake, because a sergeant came up to me and told me that it wouldn't be good if anyone saw me like that. Live and learn. The uniform is sacred.

A fellow student (and my battle buddy) is an ELCA pastor from Minnesota. He was invited by an Irish Catholic priest to come to the Mass. I went along with him because not only was I curious, I wanted a break from some of the gimmicky preaching that sometimes comes on the Protestant side of the house. The homilist/celebrant was not able to make it to Mass. So some one stepped in in his stead. It was a brief homily and an "instant Mass." (My terminology for when the priest has conducted Mass for the last 30 years and is able to zip right through it without you being able to find your place on the page.)

The most nourishing activity for my soul this past weekend was a visit to my friend Cheri in Atlanta and her daughter, Eve (who is also my Goddaughter.) Cheri let me sleep on the greatest mattress I have ever been on. It was a King Size firm. And I slept like a king. On Saturday, we took Eve and a picnic basket to the botanical gardens. It was a glorious day. Although it is very early in the spring, there were still many flowers out and lots of aromas to wake me up from the winter's funk. There were hyacinths and jasmine that perfumed the air with just enough sweetness to make me inhale deeply and savor the day. We saw dessert areas, frogs, quails, lilies, orchids. It was beautiful. After spreading a quilt on the green, we ate a few crackers and cookies. The warmth of the sun pushed me to the ground and I went belly up prepared to soak in as much as I could. A grogginess quickly settled in and I drifted to sleep and lost track of time.

The friendship I share with Cheri goes back to my high school days. Long stretches often pass between the times when we see each other, but she is able to recall some of the minutest details about the past. There is continuity with Cheri. She loves images and has taken and collected hundreds of photographs. All of them poetry. All of them devastatingly beautiful. Anyone who loves and makes beauty like she does is rare. Eve is playful and a little shy. She likes hip-hop music and gluing shells and sparkling stones on boxes. She is innocent, sweet, and seldom makes a fuss. She loves lions and tigers.

I spend Saturday night watching a movie, The Story of Us, for a counseling course. It has Bruce Willis and Michelle Pfieffer in it. It was tolerable. The assignment was easy because the Army doesn't look for depth counseling when you can just put a quick fix on something. This training is given to all of us, because some of us will be on various bases and serve as Family Life Chaplains. As a Guardsman, I am going on a specific deployment. This is good background and will be helpful at times when I am working back in PA with the unit. But, for now it is just an added skill.

The weekend of domestic activity reminds me so much of what is good about families and how contentment is available where there is nurture and grace. I come back to Ft. Jackson, refreshed and stronger.

Yes, I have received several letters from a variety of friends. I plan to sit down soon and respond individually. Right now, things are still moving quickly and it is a luxury to sit and concentrate on writing. It feels good, like a sun bath. Now to bed and back to 5:20 A.M. physical training and the flood of powerpoint presentations. I am convinced that powerpoint quickly dulls the brain into a semi-hypnotic stupor. Great stuff.

Keeping Up and Being Social

The work just keeps piling up. Since I arrived, I have been assigned to create a worship service based on a certain battlefield scenario. Mine involves heavily fatigued soldiers who have been in contact with the enemy for three days. No one has been killed but 14 have been wounded. Additionally, there is a new mission to execute with a "high risk factor." There are several different scenarios that the chaplains receive. We have been delivering these 20 minute services in the field and giving some constructive criticism. Many of us are seasoned preachers with a wide range of styles, theological perspectives, and effectiveness. Some of the preaching is very conversion oriented and yet seems appropriately earnest. Others are more reflective. I sometimes find myself considering that it is not so much what we say as the fact that we are there and that grace is available regardless of eloquence or ability. In regular daily worship one of the best sermons I heard so far was fairly simple, but got to the heart of the matter in the ways of chaplaincy. The colonel who was delivering focused on the Army's value of selfless service and Micah's passage that reminds us that God does not want exorbitant sacrifice, but to "do justice and to love mercy and walk humbly with your God."

Other work includes a counseling paper, an ethics paper, preparing our battle books, being physically prepared to pass the PT test and to use all of this in a "Capstone" event where we will spend four days in the field. Yesterday we marched with our ruck sacks on for three miles at 5 A.M. in order to get a feel for it and prepare our feet. I will devote most of the rest of this weekend to diving into the assignments, getting some exercise, getting some groceries, and resting.

One of the things that I most appreciate about the chaplains who are teaching the courses is that they are persons of integrity who aren't just dispensing doctrine to us. Many show humor, warmth, strength of character, and a keen ability to deal with ambiguity and the gray areas of human behavior, the military, and religion. This part of who they are appeals to me greatly because of their appreciation for the complexities of all the situations with which we may come in contact. These are not individuals with a "one size fits all mentality," they are committed and enlightened persons who show a great deal of passion for their work. Being here is definitely stimulating.

I had a couple of conversations with student chaplains that were more or less a reminder that real differences exist between us, even in the midst of the goodwill and camaraderie. One of the questions that we frequently ask each other in small talk or introduction is "Who is your endorser?" (Meaning: What denomination is your sponsor?) One of my neighbors, a gentle man who stutters at times was surprised that I was highly supportive of the recent commercials that the United Church of Christ ran showing various "outsiders" including gay couples entering a church. He at first asked me about accountability for sin and turning people to Christ. I said that it was important to show welcome and to nurture people in faith. I didn't go so far to say that Jesus himself hung around the outsiders of his day. The next day the young chaplain briefly spoke to me apologetically and said that he appreciates the graciousness of such a message. It still seemed as though he was confounded by the idea of the existence of such a church and that someone would care to enter the military as a chaplain from such a church. I was reminded of a conversation that I had with my Associate Conference Minister, Karen King who said that we liberals have just a claim to patriotism as conservatives and that we too, have contributed greatly to the shaping of this nation. In another conversation with a tall and warm young father of seven children who is of the Anglican tradition, he asked me about a senator from PA who is supposedly problematic. Naturally, I replied that this was Santorum. But then he mentioned that it was during the last election that he was being targeted. I realized that he was speaking about Sen. Specter and that we were talking in code over the culture wars. I defended Sen. Specter as being a moderate and that PA needs more like him because we are potentially losing civil liberties... There was no turning back from this collision in the conversation when he said "Do you mean things like the Patriot Act?" I said, "No. I mean things like abortion." (I could have just said "Yes" and leave it at that, but I didn't.) We later decided that we should have lunch or dinner together to discuss other matters. Part of me is slightly wary, because I am one of the very few liberals in this sea of conservatives. Yet there is a civility and warmth that remains in spite of being in an obvious minority.

I have been more social than my usual self. Partly I enjoy learning what makes some of my cohorts tick. And partly, I enjoy discovering how similar we are in our sense of humor. I find humor salvific and bonding in the face of the work load, the sometimes tediousness of the day, and the fact that we will be facing and have already faced difficult paths. Last night I went out with a bunch of guys many of which had prior service and less than pious lives in their younger days. Some had conversion events where they gave their lives to Jesus. At least two had grown up in real "hippie" and intellectual households and may have searched for some structure in their lives. These two men were interesting to me because of their "squared away" exterior and their depth, playfulness, and warmth in their interior. Others are more show a more conservative bent, but still share funny stories from their past. I try to suspend judgment when I hear something that I interiorly question. I recognize the power of the desire to be like others and accepted even at this point in my life. I cannot help but marvel at this point of confluents of souls. I find that I am less self conscious around many of my fellow students and optimistic for my choice to be here and engage in this calling. It is challenging, enlivening, enriching and meaningful.

Taking It Up a Notch

Given the intensity of this week, just taking the time to reflect in this journal seems self indulgent. We've had PT every morning beginning at 5:20 A.M. The days alternate between running and "muscle failure" (basically stretching, sit ups, push ups, and other isometric exercises). We've had class until at least 6 P.M. each evening with only a little more than an hour for lunch. As officers at this training facility, we are on our own when it comes to meals, except for the fine continental breakfast that is offered at Army Lodging's Kennedy Hall. (Not John F., but John T. Kennedy.)

For the most part, the week so far has consisted of a counseling class that is oriented to solution based therapy. It is a pragmatic model that is client centered that encourages one to find creative solutions to their own problems and affirming any positive movement between sessions. It works. The Army also has been emphasizing it's caring posture toward marriages. There is even a specialty within the chaplaincy for "Family Life Counseling." (The divorce rate is higher than the national average.) So, we will be trained in couples counseling. The sessions so far are part lecture, part practice, and part informercial about the method itself or the specialty. Our lecturer was an ELCA pastor. I had some face time with him and he shared how few of them there are in Northern Florida, where he once pastored. He had some excellent resources, such as Friedman's book Generation to Generation. And he introduced me to a Paulist Press publication by Ciarrocchi on pastoral counseling to those with mental illness. We spent time on suicide prevention and grief counseling as well covering topics in swathes rather than being overloaded with details. Suicide prevention training is mandatory for all soldiers twice a year. This briefing is usually given by the chaplain.

We were lectured by CH Sterling who gave a very lucid explanation of Just War Theory, it's history and distinctions within it. He is by far the most scholarly lecturer here. It's easy to imagine being in a university or seminary setting when he is leading the discussion. Jus ad Bellum and Jus in Bello are headings of criteria for going to war and behavior in war. The theory has its limits, but the main intent is to limit the dehumanising effects of war and how to best win a war when a country must enter into one.

The 21st Century Army has some interesting toys. One of which is something called FBCB2 or "Blue Force Tracker." We we trained on this system which is essentially a communications system that prioritizes messages on the battlefield and visually presents data in nearly real time. It is like a video game that includes overlays, highly detailed maps and satellite photographs, tracking of friendly troops and enemies, analysis of terrain and line of site for firing weapons, and so much more. After each major segment of learning, we were tested in our knowledge. By the end of the second day, I started to feel a bit overwhelmed and got nervous in trying to figure out the problems. After a good night's sleep, however I was masterful to the point of tutoring others. The interesting thing about Army learning is that there are good days and then there are great days. There is not enough time to dwell on weaknesses, often you move on only to find confidence in something else.

I appreciate the pluck that I have the chance to experience here. There are times when I think how well I might have done if I had military experience at a younger age. But, I also notice that I display some of the marks of my Liberal Arts education, especially in areas that require some critical thinking. A couple of students have asked me "How did you know that?" I sometimes take for granted what I got as an undergrad and through my own curiosity. There are many smart people here as students, even a few Ph.d's Others have come up through Bible Colleges. Last year there was a young Hispanic man who was conservative and had been home schooled until he went to college.